HOW TO HELP YOUR TODDLER HAVE THE HAPPIEST INTRODUCTION TO YOUR NEWBORN

One of my favorite things about being a postpartum nurse is getting to see older children meet their new siblings for the first time. After all of these years, it can still bring a happy tear to my eye. But the introduction isn’t always a happy one for toddlers. Luckily, there are things you can do to help your toddler have the happiest introduction possible.

No matter how much you think you’ve prepared your toddler for a new sibling it can still be a confusing time for them, and usually the younger they are…

the more unpredictable their introduction can be.

I’ve seen introductions where toddlers hug and kiss the new baby,

to introductions where toddlers cry and try to hit the baby,

to introductions where toddlers simply ignore the baby.

After seeing so many introductions through the years, I started to notice that there were certain things that parents were (or weren’t) doing which played a huge part in how happy the introductions were.

For the sake of this article, I’m focusing on introductions in a hospital or birth center setting.

But many of the same ideas can be applied to an introduction that happens at home.

Additionally, the same ideas can be useful for how to introduce older children as well.

So with that said, let’s dive into the 8 things you can do to help your toddler have the happiest introduction to your newborn.

1.) Plan your toddler’s introduction to be during the time of day when they’re at their best.

Be sure to plan your toddler’s introduction after they’ve eaten and when they’re well rested, like in the morning or after they’ve had their nap…

but not too close to after their nap because they can still be a little groggy after waking.

Timing is everything,

especially with toddlers!

If they’re tired or hungry they’re more likely to be in a bad mood and that may negatively affect their first impressions of the new baby.

So,

make sure your toddler’s tummy is full and they’re well rested to help increase the chances of a happy introduction!

2.) Plan your toddler’s introduction to be when the mother is in a good state.

After birth, it’s common for moms to not feel well.

They may feel itchy, nauseous and really hot after a c-section, or they may feel very swollen and sore, and have painful uterine cramping after a vaginal delivery.

Read more about all of the discomforts new moms may feel in my post here.

Unfortunately, your toddler may correlate mom feeling bad with the new baby.

So, try to plan your toddler’s introduction when mom is not feeling sick or in a lot of pain.

It’s hard for people to see their loved ones feeling sick or in pain, but it’s especially hard for toddlers because they don’t understand.

It’s scary to see their mother not feeling well, and it can also be scary for them to see her in a strange room with strange things and she may have strange stickers on her skin and strange tubes coming out of her skin.

Spare your toddler that worry if you can.

Hold off until mom feels better, or at least good enough until she can fake it.

Their introduction will be a lot less scary if they’re introduced to the new baby when their mother is in a good state.

3.) Plan your toddler’s visit to be short and sweet.

The saying “short and sweet” is defined as something that is pleasant because of its briefness.

This really applies to a toddler meeting their newborn sibling.

The longer a toddler is trapped in a small room, the more likely they’ll get bored.

And when that happens, it’s more likely their behavior will start to go downhill.

This naturally makes parents get upset and they may have to discipline their toddler, turning what should be a happy, stress-free experience into an unhappy, stressful one.

So, don’t plan to have your toddler hang in the hospital room all day after they meet the new baby.

Plan on their visit to be short and sweet…

no longer than an hour or so.

If they’re doing fine longer than that, then that’s great! Just watch for their cues when it’s time to go.

4.) What to bring or pack ahead of time for your toddler.

Toddlers are at their best when they’re not bored.

So, it’s great to plan ahead of time to bring some things that they like to do.

Crayons?

iPad?

Books?

Markers?

Dolls?

iPhone?

Toy cars?

Their favorite snacks?

Honestly,

most toddlers will not have a constant interest in baby after they’ve met them.

So,

plan to bring things they like to help make their experience a happier one!

5.) When your toddler enters the room, it’s ideal that baby is not in the parents’ arms.

When a new baby comes along, toddlers and even older children may fear that they’re going to be replaced.

Or that their parents will love the new baby more than they love them.

For that reason, it’s a good idea to try to time your toddler’s introduction at a time when you (the parent) are not holding the baby.

This leaves your arms completely open to greet and hug your toddler, which is a great first impression that may help to reassure them that they have not been replaced by the new baby.

When your toddler enters the room, the baby should be being held by another family member or a family friend, or the baby should be lying in the crib.

Of course, you may resume holding baby after your toddler has met them and has gotten hugs and love from you first.

6.) Involve your toddler in baby’s care if they want to.

Many toddlers love to feel like they’re being helpful.

So definitely let them help if they are willing!

There’s many little things that toddlers can do to be involved in baby’s care.

For example, they can help with:

• Handing you a diaper
• Handing you a pacifier (if your baby has one), or helping to put it into baby’s mouth
• Wiping the baby’s bottom (not a complete clean up, of course!)
• Petting the baby’s head when they’re crying
• Putting the baby’s hat or socks on (this will be easier for older toddlers)
• Placing a blanket on top of baby
• Let them hold baby with you right next to them
• Singing a song to baby or having them show them a book (bound to be the cutest thing ever)

7.) Don’t bark at your toddler when they do something wrong with the baby. Keep it light and positive!

“Gentle!”

“Watch out!”

“Don’t do that!”

These are common things that new parents say to their toddlers during an introduction.

And it’s understandable.

Toddlers are impulsive and clumsy, and newborns are tiny and fragile.

Toddlers and newborns are naturally an anxiety-inducing combination!

But, being barked at doesn’t feel good to anybody, especially when you don’t think you’re doing any harm.

So, in order to decrease your toddler’s chances of being barked at, which may cause them to have an unhappy introduction…

teach them right away how to touch the baby.

Showing them how to “pet” the baby on the head softly, kind of like they’d do to a dog or a cat, is a good way to show them.

It’s expected that they’ll need multiple reminders, so when they forget…

just gently remind them.

Any little thing they do during the introduction that you can praise,

DO IT!

Compliment them on how good they are with the baby, how the baby is so cute just like them, and what a great big brother or sister they are!

Keep it light

and keep it POSITIVE!

8.) Give your toddler a big bro or big sis gift.

This is in no way necessary, but toddlers love it when they’re given a gift during the introduction to their new sibling.

Some parents tell the toddler that the gift is from the baby (I’m guilty of this!),

but as the years pass I’ve realized that toddlers don’t really care who the gift comes from.

Giving them a “big brother” or “big sister” gift is just as exciting, and it still serves the purpose of helping to convince them that the baby’s arrival is a good thing for them.

The gift doesn’t have to be big deal or even wrapped!

It can literally be a cookie or some juice that the nurse can get for you to give to them.

No matter how small the gift is, it will surely help them feel special.

Another thing you can do to help your toddler feel special is to ask the nurse if your toddler can get a hospital band on their wrist.

Newborns wear ID bands to help identify them, and the parents (or the mother and the one person she deems to be her main support person) also wear hospital bands that show their connection to the baby.

I usually ask toddlers if they want one, and if they do, they always light up when I put it on them.

It really does make them feel special to wear a hospital band, just like their parents and their baby brother or sister.

To sum things up…

To all of the parents out there who are reading this post in an effort to help your toddler have the happiest introduction possible,

I love you.

You obviously care very much about your children and want them have a positive relationship with each other from the very start.

By following these eight tips, your toddler is bound to have the happiest introduction that they can possibly have with your newborn.

And just by doing these eight things, the introduction may just be so dang sweet that it makes even your old postpartum nurse want to shed a happy tear.

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Disclaimer:
The content that I share on Purely Postpartum is not intended nor recommended as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. I encourage you to always seek the advice of your own physician or other qualified health care professional regarding any medical questions or conditions.